Choosing my religion

Finding a faith that reflects her ideals
Beth davidson, 35
Reconstructionist Judaism

Prelude: Growing up Catholic in Port Huron, Michigan, Beth Davidson appreciated the values—fairness, justice, and helping the less fortunate—instilled by her parochial school. But she had trouble reconciling the more conservative views of the church with her emerging identity as a pro-choice feminist. In high school, Beth stopped considering herself a practicing Catholic. So, in 2000, when Beth met her husband-to-be, Jeff Rothman, a Reform Jew who wasn’t particularly religious, she wasn’t concerned that they came from different backgrounds. But when Jeff took her to meet his parents at their New Jersey home, Beth learned that Jewish holidays and rituals meant a great deal to them. Beth and Jeff’s relationship grew serious—they shared an apartment in Manhattan—and their talk of religion did, too. Beth had always been intrigued by Judaism, particularly its history of social activism. She decided to learn more. Jeff found himself interested as well. Together they took a class in Jewish history.

Turning point: Beth didn’t realize how powerfully the faith spoke to her until she went to a Friday-evening service at Manhattan’s West End Synagogue, a Reconstructionist Jewish congregation. There, a female rabbi spoke about tikkun olam, which means “repairing the world.” The service cited members’ poems and writings, in addition to traditional prayers. She took Jeff the next week, and he, too, was impressed. “We’d found a place where our values and beliefs were aligned with the spiritual community,” Beth recalls.

Resolve: After attending the synagogue for a year, Beth converted, and the couple determined that Judaism would be central to their relationship. She underwent an intensive one-year course with the synagogue’s rabbi, culminating in a ritual bath, the mikvah. The couple married in a Jewish ceremony in 2004.

When illness struck and Beth was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2005, she felt blessed to have her faith: “As I went through surgery and treatment, I had something to believe in.” Now cancer-free, Beth feels more anchored than ever in her religious community. Friday evenings the family celebrates Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath, when, she says, “we take time to be thankful for our week.” Her attachment to Judaism has deepened with time. “For me Judaism is spiritually and intellectually nourishing. It makes my life feel whole.”

Discovering a church that felt like home
Katie DuRocher, 31
Mormonism

Prelude: Katie DuRocher wasn’t on a religious quest when, at age 12, she started going to weekly social events with friends at the local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. “It was lots of fun,” she says of the dances and the sporting events that the church held. Occasionally, she and her father, who had been raised Mormon, would go to Sunday services. This was a big change for Katie, who had grown up going to her mom’s Presbyterian church but stopped attending at age 10. “It was very traditional,” she says, explaining why she dropped out. “I felt my role was to go there and listen.”

In high school, a close friend of Katie’s invited her to go to sem-inary—religious classes held for high school students by the Mormon Church. Curious, Katie agreed. “Since my dad believed in this church, it made me interested in finding out about Mormonism for myself,” she says.

Turning point: At seminary, the teens studied the Book of Mormon. “I learned where we came from, where we are going, and why we are here,” Katie says. The lessons made sense to her: “It felt practical and logical to me. It felt like God’s words.” One day she read a scripture that said, “If this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized?” At 18, she decided to convert formally and to live by the church standards: She couldn’t smoke or drink alcohol, coffee, or tea, and she had to observe the Sabbath on Sunday, pay a tithe, and live a chaste life. “That year I had a lot going on,” says Katie. “I was on the number one nationally ranked tennis team, I had my debutante ball, and I was graduating from high school. But my baptism was by far the most important event.” Making the event more special yet, her father performed the baptism.

Resolve: This past February, Katie married Brian DuRocher, a practicing nondenominational Christian. She appreciates his faith even though it differs from her own. (Although Mormons aren’t encouraged to marry outside the faith, all marriages are supported and recognized as a sacred bond by the church.) The couple settled down in Riverside, California. Every other Sunday, she and her husband attend her Mormon church, and on alternate weekends they take his three children (from a previous marriage) to his. “Being a Mormon, for me, is more than just worship-ping on Sunday,” says Katie. “I feel like I know God as my friend, savior, and father. My faith makes me happier and helps guide my life.”

Share your stories about choosing or following a faith by logging on to www.realsimple.com/religion.