strike the right note

At a loss for words? These tips— and real-life examples—will help you write a heartfelt message.

We’re fast becoming a society of few words. (LOL! How R U? CU L8R!) And certainly you can communicate quickly in a text message or an e-mail. But nothing is more thoughtful—and more appreciated—than taking a few moments to pen a beautifully written note. If you’re like most people, though, the idea of composing one is intimidating. To get started (and sometimes that’s the hardest part), look at the notes on these pages. Experts singled them out as models, explaining what makes each one special. Let them inspire you. Then write a few words to those who mean the most.

Birthday Greetings

Loved ones will appreciate a reflection on the year, their life, and their interests, even if they don’t like a fuss on their birthdays.

Sending a note ahead of time is a nice change from the more common late card. The writer also makes it clear that she didn’t misremember the day—very important.

The writer shows how well she knows her mother and the thought she has put into the gift. And she demon-strates that she listens rather than tunes out, which is the best gift a parent can receive.

By saying she is anticipating the visit, the sender is expressing how much her mother means to her.

Four strategies for birthday greetings

1. Compliment the recipient’s best qualities. If not for birthday cards, we might never tell people what they mean to us. So take advantage of the opportunity to say why loved ones are special: “I’m so lucky to have such a caring, supportive, funny friend” or “I’m so proud of you for being such a compassionate person.”
2. Turn a birthday card into a thank-you note. Here’s your chance to tell someone what a difference he or she makes to your life.
3. Focus on the year ahead and what you hope it brings: joy, success, a new job, celebrations, possibilities. This goes a long way toward personalizing a card.
4. Don’t assume people are thrilled about a birthday. Some folks aren’t. And if age is an issue, don’t point out the number in the card. Emphasize the person, not the milestone.

The experts

Angela Ensminger is an edi-torial director for Hallmark, in Kansas City, Missouri, and the co-author of On a Personal Note: A Guide to Writing Notes With Style (Hallmark, $15).

Florence Isaacs is the author of Just a Note to Say…: The Perfect Words for Every Occasion (Clarkson Potter, $18) and the ex-president of the American Society of Journalists and Authors.

Laurie Puhn is the author of Instant Per-suasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life (Penguin Group, $15) and an attorney and a legal mediator in New York City.

J. Donald Schumacher, Psy.D., is a psychol-ogist and the president and chief executive officer of the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, in Alexandria, Virginia.

Thank-you notes

A thank-you is always welcome (and oftentimes a must, if you received a gift). But if you’re stuck after you’ve jotted down those two words, here’s help.

This is a unique touch: The writers are first and foremost conveying appreciation for their friends as loving people, even before expressing thanks for the gift.

It’s easy to forget the effort guests made to attend an event. Acknowledging the gift of their presence has tremendous impact.

By highlighting a personal detail, such as the sunglasses, the writers make their friends feel special. This says, “You’re not just two of the 200 people we invited.”

Being specific about how a gift will be incorporated into the recipients’ lives assures the givers that their trouble and expense were worthwhile.

Four strategies for thank-yous

1. Open with enthusiasm. “What a [blank] sweater/book/vase!” or “You really know how to throw a [blank]!” says just what the recipient wants to hear—that you enjoyed the gift or the event.
2. Don’t repeat your-self or it will come off as filling space. Even “thank you” said over and over begins to seem less than genuine.
3. Reflect the effort made on your behalf with the effort you put into your note. Do not send a casual e-mail unless you’re thanking someone for a casual favor. And never send an impersonal note or merely sign a store-bought card. This implies that while the recipient took pains, you can’t spare the time to be as thought-ful.
4. Don’t stress about making every note unique. If you have many thank-yous to send, write a tem-plate that you can personal-ize in parts. People aren’t literally going to compare notes.